Agents of SHIELD Episode 5 ‘The Girl in the Flower Dress’ Review: Mastering the Art of Average

Agents of SHIELD masters the art of the average episode once again with the latest offering ‘The Girl in the Flower Dress’..

By Trevor Dueck — Staff Writer

Warning the following has spoilers…duh.

This week’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. was called “The Girl in the Flower Dress.” It should be called “This show is still a mess.”

I have given this show five episodes to hook me and although last week’s “Eye Spy” was an attempt in the right direction, this Marvel production has been an utter disappointment. None-the-less I don’t want to alienate the few of you who actually enjoy it, so here is my take on episode 5. On a side not I really need to talk to Nerdcore’s founder Damon Martin on why he gets all the cool shows to review. If you are a SOA fan, I hope you are reading his recaps…they are awesome.

By the way, last week my dog ate my write up and that is the best excuse I have for my computer issues. I gave that episode 3 out 5 on the Skolnick Scale. This episode I actually did fall asleep to, woke up and felt I didn’t miss much.

This week’s big bad was a woman named Raina who was completely useless and did not have one ounce of believability. I get that this show has some campiness to it, whether that is on purpose or not, but come on! The Raina character took this show to an all-time low of campiness and I don’t think that was planned. I’m not really sure what her dealio is. Does she have powers too? Maybe to annoy?

Some dude named Chan Ho Yin was a cheap magician who had the power to light his hand on fire. Cool trick bro. Yin thought that his magic tricks would get him some action and so he and Raina went back to his apartment. See that is truly what street magicians want, a few bucks and a shag.

Raina and her band of lab technicians from an organization called Centipede, kidnapped Yin and took him to their secret lab in order to mine him for his fireproof blood platelets. They gave him some sort of serum that made him super hyper and a tad more dangerous…like when you give a shit load of sugar to a one year old. Oh and he also got a cool name in “Scorch.” FYI: if you do your research, some kid in England is the one that came up with the character through the Marvel Fanon Wiki. It’s a site where people can create their own super heroes. Marvel liked the idea and made some adjustments and stole it from the poor bastard. Yin had no problems becoming a super villian as he figured S.H.I.E.L.D. had been stunting his growth.

Centipede were able to find Yin because some information was “set free” by a hacker named Miles from “The Rising Tide.” I don’t understand if that information was given to him by Skye or not. Maybe I wasn’t paying attention. All I know is that S.H.I.E.L.D. has an index of people that they are trying to protect or destroy and somehow some of that information was leaked.

Agent Coulson decided to take his team and go after the idealist hacker and pay him a visit. Skye was able to get to Miles first and warn him. Before we knew it, the clothes were coming off! This was the only highlight of the show because we got to see Skye in her panties. Seriously, don’t deny it, this show needed some underwear action. It’s a sad state of affairs when that was your best character moment.

Unfortunately Skye was stupid because Agent Melinda May was there waiting…maybe watching? Hot. Seriously Skye is really dumb, did she not know that S.H.I.E.L.D. would probably end up at his place of residence? They are a high-tech spy organization..HELLO! Regardless,

Skye was busted while making hanky panky with her old flame and friend Miles.

Agent Coulson was not happy and arrested both of them. Agent Ward was also not happy because what was all that prior Battleship flirting action about? I’m sure he was left confused which was the most emotion he has shown all series long. It also prompted one of the worst pieces of dialogue from Fitz, “Why would Skye do this to us? I thought she was our friend. We’ve been through so much together and she didn’t even tell us she has a guy.” Seriously fire whoever writes these scenes.

Miles ideology of all information being free was a bit of a lie because he sold out for ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Agent Coulson let Skye know that Miles was not the man she thought he was and she was not the woman that Agent Coulson thought she was. Still with me? In a nutshell Skye was about to be kicked off the team, but saved herself when she finally confessed that she was using S.H.I.E.L.D. to steal information. But the twist was not for The Rising Tide’s benefit but for her own. She wanted information on her parents. Awwww….see she is a likable character…that was just shoved down our throats. Honestly this is one of the biggest mistakes the writer’s made with this series. They had a chance to make Skye into a more intriguing character and they dropped the ball and went all Disney on us. I hope that she is lying…please make her into an evil hacker with panties…giggity, giggity. In the end let’s have a little less of Skye and more focus on other characters with better storylines…if that is possible.

Skye was given a leash..er… bracelet which allowed S.H.I.E.L.D. to keep track of her. I’m assuming that will come in handy in the coming weeks when she is in trouble…again. Back to Scorch, things didn’t really work out for him. S.H.I.E.L.D. team was able to shut things down and Scorch became…scorched? Unfortunately that did not include Raina who got away. Damn it!

The very last scene we see Raina speaking to some mysterious prisoner about “the clairvoyant”. Huh? What? What is happening? The show ends and we are left with another mystery. Is it just me or does every episode end with some kind of mysterious evil plot line? How in the hell are they going to tie up all these loose ends? or are they all connected? Screw you Whedon! Now I have to keep watching.

I rate this episode 3 out of 5 on the Skolnick Scale. Yes another 3 out of 5 and that is being generous but that had a lot to do with Skye’s hotness. So far it seems the show can’t get past the average rating which isn’t a good sign. To think we get 20 something episodes of average. If they actually made the main characters far more interesting this series would be a lot better.

S.H.I.E.L.D. Notes

• Who is this clairvoyant they are speaking about? Does he or she not have a name? Is it someone from the Marvel Universe that we know? Outside of mutants there are no precognitives in the Marvel Universe, so maybe it is someone who is at the more magical end of the spectrum, or an entirely new character. Maybe they will rip it off from another kid.

• So…last week we had this underground secret society with all the cool toys who were out to get S.H.I.E.L.D. this week we have Raina who works for Centipede….is it the same organization? How many secret organizations are there?

• When are we going to see Graviton surface?

• What is wrong with Agent Coulson? So far we know he has no muscle memory and last week Akela could see inside of him and she said something had been changed. I still think he is an android or some kind of human decoy…who lacks a personality.

• I’m finding the mysteries and some of the evil characters to be far more interesting than the protagonists. You know Joss Whedon is probably second guessing his writing team right now and I won’t be surprised if you see a change made in season two. Yes…season two. In case you don’t know, ABC has given a green light to another season of S.H.I.E.L.D. Maybe Joss will be more hands on.

• Next week there is no new episode. Which might be a good thing.