One nerd has boldly gone where few have gone before…Beverly Hills 90210…and it’s for only a single purpose—the destruction of Steve Sanders…
Here at the Nerdcore Movement we like to think we’re beyond just talking about nerdy subjects like comic books or who should play Batman in the next Man of Steel film. We are also capable of pulling of discussions akin to what you might see in the next Kevin Smith movie when the characters argue about a John Hughes movie or compare Jaws to oral sex acts. In this particular case, we present one nerds ultimate disdain for a character forged in our hearts and seared into our brains in the 90’s.
Ladies and gentleman we present ‘Why I Hate Steve Sanders’ by special guest columnist Duane Finley
Let me start off by saying I do not know Ian Ziering personally.
Throughout my 34 years on this glorious ball of dirt our paths have never crossed and he’s never done me wrong in the stole my wallet, refused to hold a door open, or cut me off in traffic varieties.
That being said, what he has done is chalk up countless hours of screen time which have failed to serve any grand purpose in the bigger picture of the vehicles he has been involved in. Granted, his recent turn in the Syfy smash Sharknado was a solid effort, but I’m taking this one back to the formative years and his unforgivable campaign as Steve Sanders on the Fox teenage drama hit Beverly Hills 90210.
Before you start cracking on me for watching this show check yourself. Everybody watched that goddamn show and if you are going to lie to your computer screen and say otherwise then bounce on out of here. This is a place of truth and learned doctors, and if you can let your sideburns or silk shirts loose long enough to listen to what I’m about to say, you just might understand this grievance.
Now that is out of the way and I can get back to my grudge.
For 10 long years Steve Sanders fumbled his way around California’s most famous zip code with little or nothing to offer in the way of storyline or plot support. What seems to be the most remarkable feat, he was one of the original cast members when the pilot was picked up by Fox back in 1990, and in a decade long span on television, the writers for the show could not come up with one genuine story arc for him.
Sure there was the whole my mother is a lesbian thing, I don’t know who my father is, and the all-important Steve is a falsely accused date rapist angle, but all were subplots to the bigger goings on of the important characters on the show. While Steve was getting co-eds drunk or trying to keep Brandon Walsh from dropping dimes on the track team’s steroid usage, the show played on regardless as if his curly blonde mop wasn’t there.
The only thing the writers could do for ole S.S. was put him as an accomplice in some strange build-up scene. If your memory recalls, Steve encouraged Donna Martin to drink up at Mel Silver’s pre-prom shindig which was the catalyst to the monumental “Donna Martin Graduates” movement. The program itself was a cutting edge look at teen life in the 90’s but to see Brandon and Dylan dropping their hectic schedules to get their Che Guevara on was important window to the culture at the time.
That being said, where was Steve Sanders? While the student body is rioting and battling the hierarchy for the right to have condoms handed out in school, the invisible Sanders was stealing test scores and getting the “Come to Jesus” talk from Mrs. Teasley.
When the educational days had passed and Dylan exited stage left after the mob hit gone wrong slaying of his wife, the stage appeared primed for Sanders to finally get his moment in the sun. Nevertheless, a new batch of characters moved in and Sanders was relegated to running a Beverly Hills version of the Enquirer.
I know if you’ve read this far then you probably think I’m being a bit too harsh on poor adopted Steve but if you think I’m off in my ramblings, a quick look at the show’s Wikipedia page will tell the tale. A character spends the entire 10 years on the show and doesn’t even get mentioned in the list of main characters.
That is the icing on the cake folks. The painful—yet delicious—icing on the cake.
