In the latest Scream Queens recap, the Kappas have a slumber party but the Red Devil killer is crashing for his own kind of celebration….
By Damon Martin — Editor/Lead Writer
Chanel Oberlin might be a lot of things — gorgeous, rich, inspiration for the world’s greatest holiday (Chanel-O-Ween) and the best dressed co-ed on campus — but one thing she’s not is stupid.
She watches a lot of mob documentaries on A&A and if there is one thing Chanel has learned it’s that you never want to be on top when the shit hits the fan. Kind of like how Tony Soprano always wanted his Uncle Junior to have the title of boss on The Sopranos to act as a lightning rod for Federal investigations.
Well after forcing a vote for the Kappa presidency last week it seems Chanel’s ultimate plan was to lose the election to Zayday because with all the killings happening and the murders are all related to their sorority house, it’s probably better for her long term health not to be the one at the top.
Instead she hands the keys to the kingdom over to Zayday and when the killer is finally caught (presumably after offing the Kappa president as well), Chanel will ascend back to the throne where she belonged all along.
Well played, No. 1, well played indeed.
With that said, let’s recap the latest episode of Scream Queens titled ‘Seven Minutes in Hell’….
Slumber Party Massacre
As her first act as president, Zayday schemes with Grace on a plan to throw a slumber party where they will lock all of the Kappas into the house for a night and play a rousing game of truth or dare so secrets will be revealed and hopefully the killer’s identity will be discovered.
After all there are two things you can always count on at a slumber party — someone experiments with lesbianism and secrets are revealed.
Once the party begins, Zayday and Grace try to push the agenda for truth or dare, but Chanel No. 3 is much more interested in pursuing a game of spin the bottle, because she wants to explore her feelings for Sam aka Predatory Lez. Chanel No. 1 is dumbfounded about playing this game with no wangers around, but No. 3 has a mission tonight and that involves some hot lesbian action.
Finally after a couple of misfires with the bottle, Chanel No. 3 and Sam make out but she has a startling confession after its over — it seems she can’t really feel anything for anyone but if she did it would be for Predatory Lez. The problem is anyone who falls in love with Chanel No. 3 goes mad — just like the guy she dated last year who was obsessed with her ears and when she broke up with him, he promised he’d cut them off if he ever saw them again. And the mystery of No. 3’s earmuffs has been solved!
While Chanel No. 3 and Predatory Lez are having their near hook-up, Grace and the others discover a problem with the house — it’s locked from top to bottom and no doors or windows are opening. See, Chanel saw the movie Panic Room last year and decided to turn the entire house into one giant panic room and clearly someone hacked her control panel to lock them all inside.
Needless to say, the killer should arrive at any moment.
But not before the Dickie Dollar Scholars decided to pay the Kappas a visit for a panty raid. See, Chad heard about this slumber party but more importantly he has something to prove to his brothers after they call him out on constantly sleeping with older women. Despite his love of all things cougar — particularly Dean Munsch and Denise Hemphill — Chad’s brothers believe he needs to stick to women born in the same decade.
So he decides to hook up with Chanel permanently (or at least until someone better comes along) and when she calls and asks him to save the day and rescue them from the house that won’t open, Chad knows he has a job to do!
Truth or Dare
The Dickie Dollar Scholars arrive just in time, but so does the Red Devil Killer!
Chad and his other brothers make it inside the house thanks to a ladder and a baseball bat through a window, but poor Caufield — you know the poor bastard who had his arms lopped off a couple weeks back — falls to the ground when he can’t climb the ladder fast enough. The Red Devil killer ultimately decapitates Caulfield and there’s one more body to add to the list.
Inside the house, Chad has to break it to Hester that he’s not going to bang her after all despite her crazy vagina likely being the best lay he’s ever had. Hester is just a special kind of insane and that’s one step too far for Chad — and that’s pretty fucking crazy considering he likes to fantasize about dead bodies while having sex!
Finally, everyone sits down to play truth or dare except Kappas and Dickies alike know that if you choose dare, you’re basically admitting to lying about some secret you want to keep.
Following Chanel No. 5 sort of admitting to once having teeth in her vagina, Grace asks Predatory Lez to reveal Chanel No. 3’s biggest secret. Believing that her sexual orientation is about to be revealed, No. 3 blurts out that she has feelings for Sam, but her counterpart actually let’s out her real deep dark secret — that she’s Charles Manson’s daughter!
Immediately everyone thinks No. 3 is the killer and in a rage, she dares Sam to go down to the secret closet in the basement and take a nap in the bathtub that was also the murder scene in the Kappa house 20 years ago.
Sam agrees but once she gets down there, the Red Devil killer appears, smacks her over the head and then prepares to kill her. Before she dies, Sam just asks to see the killer’s face and when he or she removes the mask, Predatory Lez doesn’t seem all that surprised.
“I knew it. I knew it was you. Please you don’t have to do this! I can help you!”
Who was Sam offering to help? Did Sam express anyone she believed to be the killer before tonight? Might be worth investigating!
Seven Minutes in Heaven
Since truth or dare was a bust, Chanel No. 1 and the others decide on a game of ‘seven minutes in heaven’ instead. She goes first with Chad and it’s there she professes her love for him and he in return professes his love of her hotness and money. He can’t promise to love her forever, but he’ll love her for right now — monogamously mind you — and they celebrate.
Next up is Chanel No. 5 and Roger, who can’t stop talking about his fallen brother and how they never did anything apart until now. Roger’s story gets cut short because the killer shows up and turns him into Pinhead from Hellraiser with a nail gun until the last remaining twin is dead. The killer leaves Chanel No. 5 unharmed. A clue perhaps?
Meanwhile a scream is heard from downstairs and when everyone converges in the basement, they find Hester standing over Sam’s dead body. Immediately, Chad and the others point the finger at Hester as the real killer but she promises that she wasn’t involved in this or any other murder — well besides the ones she helped cover up for Chanel No. 1.
Secret Passages
Back upstairs after discovering Roger’s dead body as well, Chad finds a secret entrance in Chanel’s closet and they find a gigantic tunnel system underneath the Kappa house. Chanel No. 1 knew all about it but forgot to mention this during the whole ‘we’re locked inside the house and can’t escape’ thing.
Zayday and Chanel finally team up and decide to explore the tunnels to look for an escape. Downstairs, Chanel explains to Zayday some of the rich history behind former presidents of Kappa Kappa Tau including the one who eradicated all those annoying anti-war rallies during the 70’s while stamping out any Creedence Clearwater Revival music on campus and another visionary leader who introduced cocaine to the Kappa house for the first time. Notably, they never mentioned Gigi’s presidency during the tour but everything is cut short when the Red Devil killer shows up brandishing double axes to chase down the girls.
Chanel No. 1 gets away but Zayday trips and falls (classic) and she has to do everything in her power to avoid the Red Devil killer’s axe. One side note — remember there are two Red Devil killers plus Gigi, who is the boss but last week we learned that at least one of the people behind the mask is enamored with Zayday. Clearly the one swinging the axe at her this week isn’t the same person. Boone perhaps? He did kill two more Dickie Dollar Scholars that got close to his best bro Chad. Just a thought.
When it looks like Zayday is finally about to meet her demise, Chanel No. 1 saves the day by smashing a light over the killer’s head and the two co-presidents escape together.
Back at the house the next morning, Dean Munsch has arrived and along with the worst campus cops in history, they’ve decided that the crisis has been averted. Now they know thanks to that botched slumber party that the killer is truly only targeting people in the Kappa house or associated with the Kappa house so they can just inform parents and alumni that they no longer need to worry, the killer is only after one group of people.
Grace’s father shows up and demands that she leave campus with him immediately, but she refuses and wants to stick by her sisters. Grace has one other problem, however, because her pseudo boyfriend Pete was nowhere to be found all night instead staying at home to ‘study’. The next morning he sent her a text asking to make out but it’s awfully suspicious that the killer shows up and Pete isn’t anywhere nearby.
Meanwhile after surviving the latest murder fest, Chanel No. 3 and No. 5 decide to team up to make sure they make it out of Kappa house alive — even if it comes at the expense of Chanel No. 1.
And at the end, Chanel No. 1 presents everybody left in the house with a special present — engraved, pink nunchucks because the Kappas are tired of running. Now it’s time to take the fight directly to the Red Devil killer.
BODY COUNT:
Roger via nail gun to the face
Sam via suffocation
Caufield via decapitation
NO. 1 SUSPECT THIS WEEK:
Boone (obviously) and Earl Grey (he conveniently faded to the background for most of this episode and he’s the one who has a giant crush on Zayday)
BEST LINES OF THE EPISODE:
“Or are you one of those idiot savants who’s heavy on the idiot, light on the savant?”
“Farty McCandlewax clearly miscounted the votes!”
“Will you stop whining about Dodger?!? Everybody agrees that dude was holding you back. Nobody misses him!”
“Of course you’re the killer. Your dad’s Charles Manson, dude. If you’re not the killer you should probably give it a shot. I think you’d be pretty good at it.”
“You’re nuts. And not like a typical crazy ass co-ed but wake up with my penis in a jar lunatic.”
“That kind of insanity means your muffin — it’s Space Mountain.”
“I just kind of came over here because I farted and it smelled bad.”
“Thank you for making that announcement that no one cared about.”
SOUNDTRACK:
“I Can’t Wait” by Nu Shooz
“Tubthumping” by Chumbawumba
“I Melt With You” by Modern English
Scream Queens is off for the next two weeks due to the World Series but tune back in on November 3 when the show returns!
