American Horror Story: Coven Episode 3 Recap: The Beast In Me

Fiona is running out of time and to preserve her place as the Supreme one of the teenage witches has to go while Kyle goes home to mother and Marie Laveau is out for revenge…

By Damon Martin — Editor/Lead Writer

If American Horror Story is on the air, you can pretty much count on some very weird and very kinky sex to happen, but this week’s episode titled ‘The Replacements’ definitely takes the cake, not to mention we have to say goodbye to one of the teenage witches after Fiona learns that they carry some special abilities with them.

Without further ado lets dive right into this week’s recap for American Horror Story: Coven

inding the Supreme

So we were told at the beginning of this season that in every generation is born a Supreme — the one witch with all kind of cool powers that can do way more stuff than other witches who is meant to lead the coven. Fiona is the Supreme for this generation but eventually another witch will come along that she will have to pass the power to as she fades away into death. This is the exact scenario that a young Fiona encountered back in 1971 when she confronted the old Supreme. Fiona flaunted her growing powers and how she was ready to be tested by performing The Seven Wonders to prove she was the new Supreme (side note: we never learn what The Seven Wonders are and that’s going to bug me).

Instead of waiting her turn, Fiona slashes the throat of the old Supreme and takes her rightful place upon the throne. Fast forward to 2013 and Fiona is growing weary and old. She wants immortality and to look young again but instead she’s met with the news that she has cancer and isn’t eligible for any kind of surgery at this stage, cosmetic or not. Fiona was already rebuffed by Marie Laveau when asking for the immortal potion, so her options are limited and her life is dwindling. That’s when Fiona finds out that young Madison is developing some new powers. In addition to her telekinesis, she’s now also able to make fire out of thin air and maybe even control a person by the power of suggestion.

Fiona confronts Madison by telling her that she needs to off the old Supreme to become the new Supreme and somewhere Diana Ross will pop out and sing her a song (I’m kidding). Madison wants no part of this death ritual, so Fiona comes to her senses and slashes the teenage witch’s throat instead. With Madison bleeding out on top of the rug in the living room, Fiona has no intention of passing down her power any time soon.

“This coven doesn’t need a new Supreme,” Fiona exclaims. “It needs a new rug.”

ncest is Not the Best

So Zoe is still trying to make things right after Kyle died so this week she pays his mother a visit. Turns out she was near suicide when she heard about her son’s death, and Zoe just wants to unbreak her heart. Zoe pays a visit to Misty — who is still really, really obsessed with Stevie Nicks and extends that obsession to Fleetwood Mac this go round — and she’s nursed Kyle almost back to full health with most of his scars all healed up.

Zoe informs Misty that she has to take Kyle home to his mother, and of course the resurrection witch isn’t happy that her new play toy is leaving. Zoe promises to return to hang out with lonely Misty, but the spurned witch isn’t exactly buying it. Zoe decides to drop Kyle off at his mother’s house, but he doesn’t appear too happy to see his mother and given the fact that he still can’t speak all he can do is stand there wide eyed and fall against the door.

Once his mother finds him, we see why Kyle wasn’t exactly elated to see his mother again. Turns out she’s a molester! She decides to do some rather nasty things with her son and upon realizing that he’s not wearing the same body he had before, she opts to go for round two. This is when Franken-Kyle has had enough of her torment and torture. He grabs a trophy from nearby and proceeds to bludgeon his mother to death. When Zoe arrives a few minutes later she finds Kyle’s mom with her face smashed in Walking Dead style and a blood covered Franken-Kyle creeping up from behind.

pen Minded Pregnancy Suggestions

It turns out Cordelia’s fire-egg-blood-sex session didn’t result in a child so she decides to turn to Marie Laveau for help with her infertility problems. The voodoo queen has just the spell to help the ailing witch. It involves a couple of ounces of her husband’s baby gravy (eww), a hot pepper, a sacrificial lamb, the new moon and a payoff to Marie for $50,000. (The actual ceremony plays out in graphic detail as Marie describes the process to Cordelia, and none of it will leave you asking for dinner).

Cordelia agrees and says she’ll find a way to pay no matter what, but Marie can only laugh in her face. Turns out Marie knows that this is Fiona’s daughter and that witch started a war last week that she intends to finish. Marie won’t help Cordelia for any amount of money, and there’s trouble coming from this voodoo queen so get ready for blood and fire (and other Game of Thrones kinds of problems).

eighbor Boys and Religious Mothers

Before Madison meets her ultimate demise, she first runs into the new neighbor boy Luke moving in next door along with Michelle Bachmann — excuse me, I mean his mother — as they are unpacking boxing and getting set up at the house next to Mrs. Robichaux’s academy. Nan and Madison quickly whip up a cake and take it over to entice Luke to some sweets, but his mother isn’t having any of it. After a knife gets tossed at her head courtesy of Madison, she decides to head next door and have a little chat with Fiona.

Before the talk, Joan (Michelle Bachman in TV form) hands Fiona the gift of a bible. Fiona is the progressive type and isn’t into religion much at all and rebuffs Joan with great prejudice while advising Madison to work on her aim next time she flings a knife at the religious whack job. (Alas, she’ll never get the chance because she’s now dead).

nd Now Back to the Creepy Sex

There has been a common theme in two shows this fall and that’s been people supposedly long dead and buried coming back to life in modern times and adapting to all the ways the world has changed. On Sleepy Hollow, Ichabod Crane wakes up 250 years after he’s part of the Revolutionary War and the entire series has dropped little nuggets throughout of all the ways he’s still discovering how this world is very much different from the one he left in the 1700’s. Meanwhile on American Horror Story, we have Delphine LaLaurie — woken up after more than 100 years in slumber — and her adjustment to the new world, well let’s just say it’s not going as well as Ichabod’s.

Madame LaLaurie was a torturer of slaves in her day and the sight of President Obama on TV just sends chills down her spine. It was almost like watching the Republican convention as she witnessed Obama speaking on the evil magic box! Then to make things worse, LaLaurie decides to uncork her racism towards Queenie after being turned into a maid for the house and that’s when Fiona’s seen enough. Remember when I said Fiona was progressive? Well she despises racism most of all so instead of putting LaLaurie back in the box, she punishes her by making her Queenie’s personal slave.

Queenie is enjoying bossing around the old slave trader with great joy, but that comes to an abrupt halt when her chicken pot pie baking experience is interrupted by the minotaur who has come knocking looking for Madame LaLaurie. Her racism fades pretty fast at that moment realizing that her former house boy is still alive and quite pissed off, and she begins to beg Queenie to help her survive. Queenie decides to help and with a little bit of Madame LaLaurie’s blood on a towel to lure the minotaur into her trap, she heads outside looking for the beast.

As it turns out, Queenie isn’t trying to hurt him, but instead make him understand that they are both beasts in other’s eyes. This somehow turns into a creepy shed flirtation where Queenie decides to diddle herself in front of the minotaur while asking him to take her and do beasty things together. It looks like the minotaur is playing along but remember he’s Marie Laveau’s sworn lover for all these centuries — so instead he grabs Queenie from behind and wraps his hand around her mouth as she tries to shriek out for help.

And there you have it folks, the latest episode of American Horror Story: Coven. Come back next week as Fiona deals with the fallout of killing Madison while Marie Laveau declares that the truce is over and war is coming for the witches…

Check out the trailer for the episode below:

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