Hatchet III Review: A Forgettable Effort in an Otherwise Fun Slasher Horror Film Series

By Damon Martin – Editor/Lead Writer
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The horror genre, for the most part, has always been a bit of a subculture of American cinema.

Certainly there have been exceptions to the rule, films that were well received critically and commercially, and/or movies that were made on a shoestring budget that turned out to be scary and creative. Horror movies as a whole have found new life in films made all over Europe, before American filmmakers with about half the vision remake them with less than spectacular results.

Still there are a few brilliant minds creating original, exciting horror films in America and Adam Green is one of those people. Green is the writer/creator/producer of the film series Hatchet for which the first film that was released seven years ago was his love note to the slasher films he grew up on in the 80’s.

His unstoppable monster was named Victor Crowley, and he came attached with his wholly unbelievable back story that made the plot all that much more palatable when viewed on the big screen. Green was unapologetic about the violence, gore and blood that made Hatchet exactly what the tagline for the film said—old school American horror—and he accomplished his goal with a 90-minute romp through the Louisiana swamp filled with naked co-eds, bad dialogue delivery and plenty of head chopping, leg lopping fun.

In 2010, Green released Hatchet II and replaced his original lead actress with scream queen Danielle Harris, which was a commendable move. Harris is an underrated talent that deserved to be in films like Scream, and made a household name for her work in horror movies, but she’s remained in smaller projects over the years.

Now in 2013 comes the release of Hatchet III (supposedly) the final film in the series starring Harris and Gremlins lead actor Zach Galligan (not sure I’ve seen him since Gremlins II to be honest). The film was written by Green, but he gave up the director’s chair this time to B.J. McDonnell, but what resulted was a bad facsimile to the previous efforts that were funny, scary and all together icky in that good way.

Hatchet III opens just seconds after the last film ends (same as Hatchet II) with Mary Beth (Harris) trying to put Crowley (Kane Hodder) down for good. It’s a struggle, but watching him get sawed in half by a giant chainsaw seem to do the job, so she wanders back into town and walks into the police station, covered in blood, proclaiming the old horror adage “they’re all dead”.

This is where Hatchet III picks up as the police and emergency services folks head back out into the swamp to do some investigating, and start uncovering bodies from the previous couple of nights (Hatchet and Hatchet II were back to back nights according to the film). The only problem is Victor Crowley—even when sawed in half—doesn’t die that easily.

The Hatchet series pays homage to all of the great horror films from the 80’s, especially a nod to the Friday the 13th series where Jason Voorhees can’t be killed no matter how many times he’s chopped up, minced, sliced and diced—he always comes back from the grave (it reminds me of the classic scene in The Monster Squad when the dad says “If they blew him up, put his head in a blender and mailed the rest of him to Norway, he would still return from the grave!” and his son says “That’s part 7”, pretty much explains how slashers work in horror films).

The problem is Victor Crowley, while menacing and scary to look at, doesn’t carry the same kind of weight on screen as Jason once did. Even in the worst version of those Friday the 13th films, there were always a few moments where Jason stalked his prey silently, and there was just something unsettling about that hockey mask. There’s no such scare with Crowley, despite having a mangled face and inhuman strength. His moaning and groaning for daddy let’s everyone know he’s nearby, until he actually strikes and then he’s somehow as quiet as a church mouse.

Back to the film…

The plot in Hatchet III is just a carbon copy of the other two, which in theory wouldn’t be bad so long as the end result is as least as good as the previous versions, but alas this one is not. The dialogue is forced, drawn out and tedious as they try their best to make you care at least a little bit for some of the newly introduced characters, but ultimately they are just more meat for the grinder and it’s hard to look at them as anything more than lambs being led to the slaughter when you know that’s what’s coming next.

One thing the Hatchet series has done in every film is act like a wax museum come to life with horror icon after horror icon popping up in difference scenes. The first film featured Nightmare on Elm Street‘s Robert Englund briefly, and the second film used Candyman‘s Tony Todd in a featured role. The third film is no exception with all kinds of random appearances including horror favorite Sid Haig.

Once again this is where Hatchet III goes off the rails misusing a character, and turning a great horror actor into a bad punchline. In this film, Haig is a backwoods descendent of Crowley, but instead of being a dark mysterious hillbilly (think the hillbilly family from Carnivale), he’s a racist, unfunny hick whose jokes almost get to the point of being uncomfortable (I’m okay with racism being used in films if there’s a point to it, but Haig’s portrayal of a backwoods bigot was just sad and off putting).

The normal bloodbath ensues once Crowley rises from the grave (again), but the budget for the movie must have gone down because the death scenes are not nearly as creative, and the blood and guts supervisor had to be out to lunch on this film set. Over the top horror film murders are supposed to be just that—over the top—but this series stretches the limits for even that and the effects aren’t up to par with the last two Hatchet films.

The standout performance in the film (surprise, surprise) goes to Harris, who is quiet and disturbing as the girl who survived a massacre. The issue with the third film in this series was it appeared Green didn’t know how to write her back into the script because not only does she not seem to appear in about two-thirds of the movie, but her dialogue went from smart, crafty heroine to a dumbed down, female version of Cletus the Slack Jawed Yokel from The Simpsons (except with way more F-bombs).

Harris is much better than this and should have been utilized as a strong, empowered female character as she was in the second film. Maybe she wasn’t as available for filming and so her part was trimmed down, or maybe this was Green’s way of phasing out this character for future Hatchet films. Whatever the reason was, Harris was the reason to watch Hatchet III and she wasn’t showcased nearly enough.

In the end, Hatchet III was predictable, but then again anybody who was going to watch this film knew what was going to happen the moment they purchased a ticket. Green’s horror opus was all about bringing old school slasher films back to the movie theater, and he did a great job with the first two films, but fell short on part three.

If you’ve purchased the first two Hatchet films, I’d still recommend adding this final one to the series just to make the trilogy complete and Harris is still worth watching despite her Tourette’s mouthed character cursing more than having actual dialogue. The fact is this—I’m still in the Hatchet Army, and still believe in Green as one of the great horror writers/directors that will lead the genre for the next couple of decades. Unfortunately, Hatchet III was just a bad effort all around.