Delphine’s back story gets a big push this week plus Fiona and Marie settle things once and for all with the great witch hunters…
By Damon Martin — Editor/Lead Writer
American Horror Story: Coven is beginning to wind down as we reach the final three episodes of the season starting with this week’s episode titled ‘Protect the Coven’. If there’s one thing that’s abundantly clear on this season of the show, no one stays dead forever (or even for an episode in most cases) and the final battle lines are being drawn. Who will survive and what will be left of the new Supreme (if we ever figure out who the hell that’s going to be)?
Axing the Competition
The antagonists this season have been plentiful — from the age old feud pitting the voodoo queen Marie Laveau against the Salem witches to the dug up Madame LaLaurie facing off against anybody with a skin tone darker than a light tan, and now finally everybody with a power against the witch hunters. Yes, Delphi — the ancient order of witch hunters — must finally deal with the coven they’ve been stalking for months.
Fiona sets up a meeting to negotiate a truce with the corporation and everyone shows up sans guns and powers, but did you really think it was going to go down that easily? Nope, Fiona planted her lover The Axeman as the waiter in the room and once the doors were lock a-hacking he will go. The Axeman chops up the entire Delphi executive board before Fiona personally lays down the final whack on the big boss. For a group of ancient witch hunters that have survived hundreds of years going up against a powerful clan of supernatural beings, these guys sure are morons. Turns out big screw up Hank for all his faults was actually better at killing witches than his father and a boardroom full of suits that decided meeting up with a group of witches to negotiate a truce was a good idea. This was the best example of natural selection I’ve ever seen.
It was a bit of a let down after finally figuring out that the witch hunters were the real big bad this season, but they went out with a wimper compared to what they seemed to be just a few weeks ago.
The dead Delphi’s only leaves one thing left for The Axeman and Fiona to do before they retire to his family’s farm and live like ‘normal folk’ — they have to weed out the new Supreme and finish her off.
The Queen Rises
So from my intro you probably gathered that somebody thought to be dead was coming back this episode, but you actually get a two-fer this episode! At the funeral for Nan (I’m still not convinced she won’t be back before this series is up), Fiona and the girls pay their respects when out of nowhere Queenie shows up very much alive sporting a leash that’s attached to a fully resurrected Delphine LaLaurie, who got her head back on her body and everything! Queenie moves back in the house and she’s pissed someone gave away her room. When Cordelia reminds Queenie that it was she who left to join up with the voodoo crew, the back alive coven member unleashes a tirade going directly at her head mistress’s throat. Queenie reminds Cordelia that she’s pretty much useless and has done nothing to protect the coven (truth hurts sometimes). Cordelia runs away and pouts because that’s what Cordelia does.
Her solution to pouty time?
Cordelia gouges out both of her eyes trying to get back her second sight to be able to help the coven. Auntie Myrtle is bummed out because she massacred two old friends to provide those new eyeballs, but she’s also upset for Cordelia, who is obviously in a bad way right now.
Will The New Supreme Please Stand Up?
This isn’t a recap portion as much as ‘please for the love of God reveal who the new Supreme is already’ section of the show. Madison is still convinced beyond words that she’s the new queen bitch in the house (which pretty much guarantees it’s not her). She exudes her powers by throwing a tantrum when she realizes that Franken-Kyle only wants to be with Zoe now and she’s been tossed aside like Lindsay Lohan after 2008.
Queenie also proclaims herself to have the powers of the new Supreme when she takes a bullet to the head and the gun and just spits them back up like yesterday’s cafeteria pizza. Zoe even takes a shot at believing she could be the Supreme but she would be the most boring leader this side of Al Gore. For those keeping score at home, Misty is still locked away in the crypt where Madison left her and Nan (for all intents and purposes) is dead. The numbers are sort of dwindling down but fact is we still have no idea who the new Supreme will be, which is why Fiona and Axeman are just gonna kill them all for good measure.
Let’s Get Outta Here
Did you know that’s the most commonly spoken phrase in movies? Anyways, Zoe and Franken-Kyle are feeling the bad vibes going around thanks to Madison’s vengeful vagina that’s been spurned in favor of her roommate’s genital death trap. Myrtle offers Zoe an out — she gives up some of her most valuable jewelry as collateral in case she needs quick cash and buys them two bus tickets to get out of New Orleans tonight and head to Orlando. It takes a little bit of convincing on Zoe’s part, but Franken-Kyle finally gives in and off they go to see Epcott Center in Orlando. They’re gone for now, but something tells me Zoe and Franken-Kyle will be back.
New Tag Team Champions
A lot of this episode centered around the return of Delphine LaLaurie after her absence for a few weeks once her head was lopped off courtesy of Marie Laveau. This week we learn a bit more about Delphine’s background and history and how despite her sympathetic and humorous tones for much of this season, she’s a much more wicked witch than anyone inside the coven.
Delphine explains her fascination with knowing how things work, which is how she got into torturing slaves back in the 1800’s and finds a knack for it again thanks to a lawnworker who carelessly hurts himself while pruning Cordelia’s garden. Delphine takes him apart from fingers to toes while occupying Spalding’s old room (still full of dolls in case you were curious). And guess who has been there watching Delphine the entire time? Yep, Spalding’s ghost is still around as well because nobody freaking dies in this season!
Spalding has no problem with Delphine’s ‘art’ and instead of scaring her away instead enlists her in a mission to get rid of Marie once and for all. The magical potion that will lower her immortal defenses like a computer virus cutting down all powerful aliens (sorry Jeff Goldblum no one is buying you beating the aliens in Independence Day)? Yep you guessed it — Benadryl!
Of course Delphine takes the bait and sinks a few of those into Marie’s drink before stabbing her in the heart with a knife. Marie pops back up and comes after Delphine for trying to poison her with an antihistamine and instead Spaulding clocks her on the head, sending her tumbling down the stairs. She’s not dead and can’t die, but what Delphine can do to prevent her return is do the same thing to Marie that she was threatening to do to her earlier in the episode — chop her up into several pieces and bury each one at a different place in the city. Marie’s about to get lopped up. Oh yeah before I forget, all of this was so Spalding could take Marie’s kidnapped baby and have a living doll all of his own. He was even wearing his own baby doll outfit while he rocked the child to sleep.
There’s an image to haunt your dreams for the next few nights.
Best Lines of the Week:
There were a few standout ones this week but I narrowed the final choices down to two and like most season long they both belonged to Madison
Zoe finds out Nan was drowned and breaks the news to Madison
Zoe: Don’t you care?
Madison: Have you met me?
Myrtle steps up to challenge Madison very briefly
Madison: You dried up old Hot Pocket
We only have two episodes left in this season of American Horror Story: Coven so make sure to come back next week for our recap and review of the penultimate hour. Also don’t forget details about the setting for the next version of American Horror Story has been revealed so there will be a few easter eggs planted in these final episodes with hints about what’s coming up so keep an eye out for those!