In the American Horror Story: Hotel recap, the Countess finally weds Will Drake while planning her long term future to find love once again….
By Damon Martin — Editor/Lead Writer
Despite her wealth and power since becoming immortal a century ago, The Countess has really never truly been happy in whatever she’s done or become since losing the real love of her life thanks to James Patrick March and his uncontrollable jealousy over sharing her with anybody else.
The Countess only ever truly loved Valentino — the man who gave her the gift of life — but since he was locked away in a chamber behind a wall at the Hotel Cortez on the day he was supposed to flee the country with her, she’s been forced to surround herself with sad, pale imitations to the real thing.
Nobody ever stood up to Valentino and all the Countess ever really did was try to find someone who could remind her of him, but it never worked and she’s paid for it with her heart.
“The 100 years of my immortal life have been a lie. The illusion of control. In truth, I have controlled nothing. I have surrounded myself with fools and flatterers. Put my trust in those who could not be trusted.”
~ The Countess
So this week The Countess finally played her hand to marry Will Drake and attempt to recapture the life she lost 100 years ago when Valentino failed to make the train where he was going to whisk her away on a life full of love and adventure. Instead of leaving, the Countess has been chained to this hotel ever since.
But if she’s had to suffer, tonight’s episode was going to ensure a whole lot of other people were going to suffer right along beside her.
With that said, let’s recap American Horror Story: Hotel titled ‘She Wants Revenge’….
It’s almost time for the Countess and Will Drake to tie the knot but while the fashion designer wants a huge affair complete with hundreds of guests and tons of pictures for the press, his lady love only wants a small affair where she’s the center of attention but not a show pony.
Will gives into her demands but then receives a rather harsh warning from Miss Evers that marrying the Countess would be the worst mistake he could make because he wouldn’t stay alive very long after saying ‘I do’. Miss Evers then explains that she was in love with Mr. March during his most murderous days, he never wanted her but was instead drawn to the Countess. His life has never been the same ever since and she tells Will that if he actually goes through with the marriage to the Countess, she would be the one standing over top of him gloating while he draws his last breath.
Meanwhile, as the Countess prepares for her wedding she’s secretly back in bed with Donovan while telling him that she doesn’t understand why she ever let him go in the first place. She draws him back into her web with the promise of life together eternal but really she’s just using him to get to her ultimate means, which is killing Will Drake and taking his fortune for herself.
This is all part of her plot to return to the life she was supposed to have a century ago after she tracks down Valentino and Natasha and wants to reignite the flame that was extinguished against all of their wills in the 1920’s after James Patrick March put an end to it with his treachery. The Countess wants her old life back — the life where she was truly happy and in love or as much in love as this woman is capable of feeling.
A lot has changed for Iris ever since Donovan passed along his blood virus to her a few weeks ago. She’s no longer the pushover who doesn’t care and barely pays attention to who is going in or out of her hotel. Iris refuses to feign ignorance when watching porn producers and plastic actors traipse through her hotel while giving in all kinds of debauchery behind closed doors.
The latest ‘film’ project headed up by a director named Stormcock is enough to finally push Iris over the edge and she’s forced to take action.
“It’s a new me. I’m becoming a goddamn Dirty Harriet. Porn hurts people. It hurts the girls who think they need to screw like that. It hurts the guys who thing girls want to screw like that. I’m not uptight, I just don’t want it going on in my hotel anymore.”
So Iris busts into the room and slits Stormcock’s throat and then kills the girl while she’s begging for her life. The guy was able to get away — to the bathroom at least — while screaming to the top of his lungs for the police while never knowing they weren’t going to show up.
When Donovan finally arrives in the room, he’s proud that his mother has taken a stand and become her own woman finally. He also helps to eradicate the last actor from the porn flick when he breaks down the bathroom door and decides to take him for a ride where he will be presented as a gift to his new friend Ramona Royale.
Addicted to Love
Donovan shows up at Romona’s with the porn actor tied up and gagged while offering to share him with her as supper while they plot their revenge against the Countess.
Ramona is no longer sold that Donovan has the balls to pull this off, but he assures her that he’s on board 100-percent, especially after he fell into her bed once again and realized the pain of not having her in his life was only compounded by his desire to have her back.
“I wanted her even more than I did before because I knew what it felt like to live without her. That’s when I knew it was never going away, my desperation for her. It’s a horrible feeling to have a craving you can never satiate. It’s an addiction.”
Donovan knows he’s ready to finally take the Countess down once and for all but he wonders why Ramona is finally ready to do the deed after her boyfriend was butchered and she was cast aside more than 20 years ago. Why did it take her this long to want the Countess’ blood?
Ramona explains that after the Countess took away the only man she ever really loved, she wasn’t hurt as much as she was lonely. So she returned home to live with her parents and while the time together was a joy, Ramona soon watched her mother pass away and her father slip further and further into dementia. When a robbery gone wrong ends up with her father beaten to the point of near death, Ramona shares the gift of her blood with him and while the vampiric cocktail saves his life, it doesn’t repair the damage.
The blood she has flowing through her veins can mend wounds and fix broken bones, but it won’t repair the mind and her father was stuck in one big perpetual loop where his brain has been taken over by Alzheimer’s. Finally, Ramona decides that this isn’t the life she wanted for her father so she’s forced to take his life and at that moment she realized that it was time for the Countess to pay for all this pain and loneliness she’s experienced over the last 20 years.
So Ramona and Donavan prepare to strike after he slipped the Countess a roofie in her drink that’s guaranteed to knock her unconscious for several hours. When they arrive at the hotel, Ramona has a knife in hand and she’s ready to jam in right through the Countess’ heart when her eyes spring open and she hisses at her former lover. At that moment, Donovan blasts her with a taser and knocks her unconscious.
A few minutes later, Ramona is locked inside one of those cages we saw earlier this season and Donovan is trying to explain to his mother how he’s back with the Countess and their new mission is to make their enemies pay and they are going to watch them suffer. Iris tries to talk her boy out of his new plan, but he’s not budging. Iris doesn’t want to be a party to this nightmare all over again and gives Donovan one more ominous warning about how his life will end if he sticks with the Countess.
Sometimes mother really does know best.
Children of the Night
Alex watches a news report with the Countess early in the episode about a homeless man and several other victims turning up around the city, drained of their blood, and a group of children that were apparently seen nearby that are wanted for questioning as potential witnesses to a crime.
Alex knows this is Max, the little boy she saved by giving him her blood, so she quickly rushes to his parent’s house where she sees a pizza delivery boy go to the front door and quickly disappear from sight. Alex goes inside and what she finds are scores of bodies decorating the house, all dead and drained of their blood.
Alex finds Max and the other feasting on the pizza boy while a few of the girls no longer want to eat after being forced to kill their parents and survive off the blood. Alex tells Max that what he’s doing isn’t just dangerous, it’s stupid. The cops are surely going to show up in 30 minutes when the pizza guy doesn’t return and this mounting pile of bodies will eventually attract attention.
She implores him and the other children to come to the Cortez with her where there are people who understand what they are going through. Max refuses but does save Alex’s life when one of the other kids wants to kill her rather than leave a witness who’s seen what they can do. Finally, Max and the others leave the house to make sure they aren’t arrested while Alex still needs to figure out how to stop this murderous Mickey Mouse club before the Countess or the authorities find out what’s really going on.
The Golden Age
The Countess’ plan is all coming together beautifully this week as she plans her marriage while also restoring the secret room where Mr. March had Valentino and Natasha locked for the past 100 years. She also lashes out at March for what he did to her, but it’s clear the most prolific mass murderer in American history only has one weakness and it’s the Countess and he’ll do anything to please her.
Cut to the Countess showing up on Valentino’s doorstep once again and offering to renew their life together thanks to the windfall of cash she’s about to enjoy after her new husband is dead. Valentino is tempted to make the Countess his one and only after Natasha was reborn in the new world and fell it love with it immediately.
“She has been drawn in by the future. This modern world speaks to her. I haven’t even seen her since you gave her that black, plastic card. She speaks of nothing but shopping and Uber.”
The Countess offers an alternative — a future where maybe something happens to Natasha and she’s no longer in the picture. A future where the Countess uses the money she’s about to snatch away from Will Drake to rebuild the Hotel Cortez into a throwback to the 1920’s when grace and class really meant something.
“I’m about to come into a great deal of money. We can use it to turn the Cortez into a fortress against the modern world. A world I hate even more than you.”
~ The Countess
Valentino agrees and the Countess invites Natasha over for a girl’s night where she will undoubtedly kill the woman so she can have the great lover all for herself. Unfortunately, the Countess didn’t notice that Donovan trailer her to the hotel and he witnessed her proclaim her love for another man just hours after saying they would be together forever.
Maybe Donovan will want revenge after all!
Finally, the Countess marries Will Drake in a quiet, private ceremony and as soon as the happy couple ties the knot, she rushes off to pack for a holiday in Paris where they will celebrate their nuptials in style. Will decides to have a drink while he waits for his wife to return but when he heads to the bar he runs into Mr. March, who only wants to congratulate him on his happy day.
March is curious about one thing, however, because he wonders how Drake will react to the news that he’s also a stepfather. March takes him upstairs and introduces him to Bartholomew — the disfigured creature that the Countess has called her son for the past 90 years and now he’s part of the Drake family. But Will is shocked at the sight of this thing and he reacts as such and this doesn’t make the Countess happy at all. If there’s one thing you never do, it’s make fun of your new wife’s mutant child.
“I thought to kill you in Paris, but I could never stomach traveling someone who said such hateful things about my child. I’m going to make sure you suffer immensely.”
~ The Countess
She knocks Will out and when he awakens he’s locked inside that ghastly chamber that’s once again been sealed off from the world and inside is Ramona Royale, who is begging to be released from her cage. Will believes this is his death sentence and he’s right because as soon as Ramona is free, she cuts his throat and feeds on him to repair the damage done by the Countess and Donovan. As Will draws his final breath, he sees Miss Evers standing over top of him with a smirk on her face as if to say ‘I told you so’.
And in her penthouse on the top floor of the Hotel Cortez is the Countess, watching her enemies rip each other apart on cameras she had installed just for the sole purpose that she could see them suffer and die.
“Blue Monday” by New Order
“Fade to Grey” by Visage