It’s time to give out some awards now that ‘Game of Thrones’ has wrapped up for another year, but who takes home the gold for the best and worst moments of this past season? Take a look….
By Damon Martin — Editor/Lead Writer
‘Game of Thrones’ came to an end last Sunday much to our collective sadness, especially considering the show won’t return for season five until at least April 2015. In the wake of the end of season 4, it left us thinking that there has to be some kind of way to honor arguably the most popular show on television and thus ‘The Thronies’ was born!
So as we look back on the best and worst moments from season 4, The Thronies will hand out the awards to our favorite parts of ‘Game of Thrones’. From the Purple Wedding to Tywin getting shot on the toilet, there were plenty of momentous occasions during this past season so let’s take a look at who stood out, head and shoulders, above the rest.
Best Use of Fowl Language — ‘The Hound’ Sandor Clegane
Forgive the pun but it seemed fitting for this occasion. When Sandor Clegane visits an inn being accosted by Lannister soldiers, he can’t help but express his true feelings when one of the soldiers attempts to saddle up to him while bragging about all the thieving and raping they’re doing now that Joffrey is in place as the one true king of Westeros.
All The Hound wanted was a chicken, but Lommy couldn’t help himself and felt the need to taunt him and that resulted in one of the greatest lines in ‘Game of Thrones’ history.
“I understand if anymore words come pouring out your cunt mouth, I’m going to have to eat every fucking chicken in this room”
No one on ‘Game of Thrones’ paints a conversation with expletives better than Sandor Clegane and whether he’s calling someone a ‘twat’ or just feels the need to express himself by saying ‘fucking’ in front of whatever word is about to follow, he’s got his language down pat and he’s top of the list when it comes to this choice.
Runner Up: Carl – the Gin Alley fookin’ legend
Best Hulk Smash Rage — Hodor
Hodor might be the most gentle giant this side of The Wall, but whenever Bran Stark needs to get some shit done, he summons his warging power and possesses his massive protector to kick some ass whenever trouble comes calling. While the wights from the season finale were certainly a threat to Hodor before he tossed them around like a bag of bones, nothing will top his rage induced neck snapping of Team Bolton’s Locke, when he tried to kidnap and kill Bran while at Craster’s Keep.
Hodor picked up the rat looking soldier and snapped his neck clean off his body in a gruesome display of power from the gigantic simpleton. You have to imagine being used as a weapon of mass destruction will eventually flood Hodor with some awful memories, but for now he’s just about the most dangerous man in Westeros or north of the Wall when Bran needs to dish out a little justice.
Best First Appearance — Prince Oberyn Martell
The way we meet new characters on ‘Game of Thrones’ comes in a varying different ways. Ramsay Snow-Bolton was just a sadistic twist until he was finally revealed as Roose Bolton’s bastard son at the end of season three and this is well after he lopped off Theon Greyjoy’s favorite toy. This season, however, the debut of ‘The Red Viper’ Oberyn Martell was particularly fun.
Sitting in a brothel with his paramour Ellaria Sand, Oberyn hand picked a group of prostitutes for his day of fun including a girl and a guy because in Dorne there are no limitations when it comes to interesting sex stories. The debut is capped off when Oberyn hears two Lannister goons singing ‘The Rains of Castamere’ and when they opt to draw on him, he jams a dagger through one man’s wrist while explaining the benefits and detriments of using a sword in close combat. He probably could have used a dagger when fighting the Mountain later in the season, but we’ll talk about that a little later.
From brothel hopping to soldier stabbing to his long talk with Tyrion, Oberyn Martell was an instant favorite and this is a guy who knew how to make a first impression.
Worst Facial Expression — Jon ‘Emo’ Snow
This was a tough call honestly because there are some classic facial expressions on this show — whether it’s Joffrey’s frowny bitch face or Stannis’ ‘I really need to take a shit’ look, but the king of the faces on this show is once and always Jon Snow.
With his perfectly quaffed hair, pouty lips and sad, wandering eyes, nobody on this show does emo better than this member of the Night’s Watch. While Sam’s constant blubbering about Gilly could have put him into the running as well, he finally manned up at the end of the season when he told Pyp to ‘open the fucking gate!’ while Jon couldn’t even put two sentences together to tell what sex with Ygritte was like. Dude just say it — you’re a Night’s Watch fooking legend!
Jon Snow always looked like he was one Alliser Thorne comment away from running to his room, crying in a pillow and looking for ye old Dashboard Confessional records. Maybe with his lady dead and a war to fight, Jon will nut up in season five but after four years of emo Snow, I’m not betting on it.
Worst Break-Up — Tyrion and Shae
Yeah they were a cute couple and all but it was never REALLY going to work. Still, when Tyrion brushes Shae off for the sake of protecting her from the wrath of his father, little did he know he should have actually kept her around to keep her away from the shaft of his father. Shae bolted from King’s Landing only to return a few weeks later to basically plant the final nail in Tyrion’s coffin during his trial for the murder of King Joffrey.
Things only got worse when Tyrion discovered the woman he loved being bought and paid for laying the bed of his father on the night before he was supposed to be executed. Love is a motherfucker, huh?
Best Break-Up — Lord Petyr Baelish and Lysa Arryn
If there’s one thing we know for sure in this show it’s that Petyr Baelish is all about two things — power and anything to do with Catelyn Stark. This season saw Baelish come closer to attaining both as he married his childhood friend Lysa Arryn while also sweeping Sansa Stark away from King’s Landing to her new home in the Eyrie.
We also found out Baelish is basically responsible for this entire story unfolding after he convinced Lysa to off her husband Jon, which of course led to King Robert sending for Ned Stark to be the new Hand of the King and from there you know how everything fell apart. One he married Lysa, Baelish was in the prime position to add the Eyrie to his lands of conquest after already being awarded Harrenhal for his loyalty to King Joffrey.
Once Lysa threated Sansa, however, that was all she wrote for this sweet newlywed couple. Baelish — as cold as ice — informs his new bride that he will only ever love one woman — her sister — and then tosses her ass out the moon door. It was an unceremonious exit for Lysa, who had to be one of the five creepiest people ever introduced on this show and a great way for Baelish to say buh-bye to his wife. Don’t let the trees and rocks hit you on the way down the mountain, Lysa!
Most Disturbing Moment — Littlefinger and Lysa ‘consummate’ their marriage
It would be too easy to point to Prince Oberyn’s battle with the Mountain and how that fight ended to say it was the most disturbing moment of season four, but you’d be wrong. No the one that takes the cake this year was the glass shattering sounds of Lysa and Littlefinger celebrating their wedding night. Sure, Littlefinger probably had visions of Cat Stark dancing in his head at the time, but Lysa certainly seemed to be enjoying herself.
And all the while there’s poor Sansa Stark presumably sleeping at least a floor below the couple, enduring all the sounds of her aunt’s pleasurable night in ecstasy. That won’t be something she’ll soon forget. She missed the Red Wedding, but this was still like an arrow to the head.
Runner-Up: Grand Maester Pycelle trying to convince a young girl to allow him to examine her during Joffrey’s wedding party. Double ewwww!
Most memorable line — “You raped her, you murdered her, you killed her children!”
Never take your eyes of the prize. It’s a valuable lesson Prince Oberyn Martell learned when he wanted justice for his sister’s death from ‘The Mountain’ Gregor Clegane, but still he was going to try his best and this was the line he taunted the giant knight with for the entire three minutes their fight lasted.
Eventually, Oberyn’s undying loyalty to his family’s honor cost him a mouth full of teeth, two eyes and eventually his entire skull being caved in, but give him points for the most recognizable line for season four once it’s all said and done.
Runner-Up: Sandor Clegane’s chickens still resonate with us.
Best Performance While on the Toilet: Tywin Lannister
While I can’t be 100-percent accurate with this statement, I’m fairly sure Tywin being caught on the crapper by his son Tyrion isn’t only the best performance we’ve seen while someone in Westeros is dropping a deuce, it’s also the first time we’ve even seen what a toilet looks like in the Seven Kingdoms. Sure, Tyrion has pissed off The Wall, Daario took a leak on the champion of Meereen, and there have been some other mid-journey droppings, but until now there was no proof bathrooms even existed in Westeros.
Now we know what the royal version looks like anyways, and it will also serve as the final resting place for the most diabolical mind ‘Game of Thrones’ may ever know. RIP Tywin, hope you get that big flush in the sky after you remove the arrows out of your chest.
Most Awkward Morning After — Ser Friendzone Running into Daario
Daario has long desired to bed down with Queen Daenerys and he finally gets his wish this season after disrobing for the Mother of Dragons and enjoying a little pyramid climbing adventure before being sent off to hand down justice to the slavers in Astapor and Yunkai. On his way out of the Queen’s chambers, Daario runs into Ser Friendzone himself Jorah Mormont, and this is as close as you’ll get all season to someone looking as emo as Jon Snow.
Jorah’s heart is crushed when he realizes that Daario got a little midnight nookie from Daenerys while he can only dream about one day laying down with the queen. Chances are his opportunity for that passed a long time ago, but being exiled after it was discovered he was a spy probably doesn’t help his chances much either now.
Worst Non-Appearance in Season 4 — Lady Stoneheart
I’ll just leave this picture here and if you’re a book reader, you’ll know where I’m going. If not, I’m sure you can figure out who this mythical Lady Stoneheart might be.
Best Death Scenes
There’s no ‘winner’ here per se, but it’s certain that ‘Game of Thrones’ has the ability to off characters better than anyone else on TV so here are the best of the best from season four.
The Purple Wedding — King Joffrey’s unceremonious exit after marrying Margaery Tyrell and playing some mental torture with his uncle Tyrion, he has some wedding pie and then washes it down with some delicious wine. Only problem is it’s laced with poison and he goes out while choking on his own blood.
The Red Viper vs. The Mountain — Oberyn Martell was only in one season of ‘Game of Thrones’ but it didn’t take him long to become one of the most popular characters on the show thanks in part to a wonderfully portrayal by actor Pedro Pascal. But just like in the books, his destiny was already sealed when he went into battle with ‘The Mountain’ Gregor Clegane. He got an advantage early, but suffered defeat late and in the game of death, only one guy gets to survive on the battlefield. His head crushing loss will be an image none of us will forget any time soon.
Tywin Lannister Looks Helpless — Rarely did we see Tywin Lannister look weak, but with his royal trousers around his ankles and a crossbow pointed at his chest, the Hand of the King didn’t exactly cower in the face of danger but he was certainly worried. He threw out every line possible to stop Tyrion from pulling that trigger, but his undoing was the world ‘whore’ when describing his son’s ex-lover Shae. Two arrows later and Tywin is gone.
Lysa Arryn Goes Flying — The moon door has claimed plenty of people over the years and now it has a queen as well. Lysa’s obsession with Littlefinger finally pushed her over the edge, and then Littlefinger pushed her over the edge.
The Wildings on the Wall — There were a ton of deaths during the wilding invasion of Castle Black with lovely Ygritte being among them, but the most creative way of getting rid of an enemy goes to the brothers of the Night’s Watch after they first shook loose part of the Wall to watch a whole bunch of wildings fall to their deaths, but nothing will top the scythe released from the top of the wall that just mashed a whole bunch of people as it sliced across in bloody good fashion.
Like I said, most creative deaths on television by far.
Others we lost: Shae, Jojen Reed, Pyp and Grenn, and a giant named Mag the Mighty.
And the not-quite-dead list: The Clegane brothers — both Sandor and Gregor ended this season on their respective death beds but we’re not giving up hope yet, at least for the Hound who had become a favorite during season four. Neither has much of a chance, but neither were pronounced dead so in our book, they are still alive and available for season five!